I wiped my hands down my face and looked at Robyn. i really didn’t wanna bring up these memories, i hated talking about my past or even thinking about it.
"well you already know that back then that summer me, my mom and Carmen where homeless because my dad had left us for another woman and because my mom was pregnant with me at a young age my dad didn’t want her working or going to college, he felt that a woman’s place was at home taking care of the house and the kids, so when he left my mom had no source of income or job experience or schooling so finding work was hard and we had no money so we lost the house. you remember me telling you this right?" i looked at her and she nodded. i turned away looking at the water in the pool.
back then life was horrible for me. going from shelter to shelter and not having any food for days hell we started sleeping in the park, in the little tubes. i remember every time it stormed i would have to hold and sing to Carmen she hated thunder and storms. we tried staying at my aunts but my uncle didn’t want us there and threatened to call child services on my mom if we ever came near him or my aunt. but aunt Christine always found a way to give us money, it wasn’t much but it was enough to get us some McDonald and clothes from the goodwill. the only good thing that summer was Robyn, she made me forget about what was going on in my life every time i was with her.
"Well the day you left after i said bye to you and everything i went to the park where my mom and sister where and i found my mom talking to a man, he handed her a wad of cash and pointed over to this alley, i saw my mom sigh and look helpless and she nodded and started following the man. i don’t know how i knew but i knew she was going to do something with this man that she didn’t wanna do. so i ran up to her begging her not to go."
10 years ago
"MOM NO DON’T GO!" I screamed at my mom as i ran up to her and grabbed her hand. "Please mom don’t do it, i can tell you don’t want to. the money’s not worth it, please momma. i promise if i’ll find a way to make some money ill get a job or try babysitting or something, just please momma don’t do it! PLEASE! THINK ABOUT ME AND CARMEN MOMMA! PLEASE DON’T GO WITH HIM!" I cried, the tears ran down my face as i begged my mom not to go with that man, my mom looked down at me with tears in her eyes, she closed her eyes and handed the man back his money.
"I’m sorry i can’t do this, i have to think about my kids, my daughter this isn’t a good example to set for her." the man glared at me and cussed out my mom as he walked away, i wanted to go and take that big head of his and bang it against the concrete but my mom bent down and wrapped her arms around me in a big hug which stopped me. "I’m sorry baby, i’m so sorry. momma won’t ever even think about doing anything like that again, im gonna get a job, im gonna try my hardest to get a job for my babies, my angels." she said with tears running down her face. she picked up Carmen and pushed her on the swing, softly singing to her.
we spent the rest of that day in the park playing and laughing, then when it came time to sleep mom crawled in the tubes with me and Carmen, the tube was long enough for all of us to sleep one behind the other, once i was sure everyone was sleep i sat up and starred at my mom and Carmen. this isn’t how we’re suppose to live, momma and Carmen deserved better then this. and in going to give it to them.
i left the tube and began walking up the street. towards Ron Carter’s house.
i walked up the long drive way towards the carter household (This was before the gate was built) and knocked on the door and rang the doorbell twice, it was around 11 o’clock so im hoping he’s up. i see a light come on and the door opens reveling Carter in a silk robe, some pajamas bottoms and some slippers on his feet with what im guessing is a blunt in his mouth. he takes out the blunt. “Little Chris, what you doing here boy?” he asked. i looked at him in his eyes “Please Mr. Carter please i really need some money, do you think i could possibly work for you?” i asked him. he looked at me for a minute then said. “Look Chris if money’s all you need then i’ll just give it to you, how much you need?”
i shook my head at him “No sir i wanna earn my money, me and my momma and sister are homeless and we need money bad. Robyn told me what you do and i see other guys around the street dealing and stuff and im to young to get a real job, please sir i really need it, i need to support and take care of my momma and little sister and my momma can’t find a job and i don’t want her doing things with men for money. please Mr.Carter i’ll work hard and be loyal and learn quickly, please sir?” i looked at him with pleading eyes.
he looked down at me for a good long minute then sighed and opened him door wider and stepped out the way “Come on in and lets talk about this Chris”
your dad decided to give me a job as a messenger slash look out. i didn’t handled drugs, i just gave messages to the other guys and looked out for police or other drug dealers that where trying to come in your dads territory, i kept my ears open in the streets. i knew everything about everybody, i was like invisible to older guys and they never thought nothing about a lil kid hanging around so they talked openly about all type of things when i was around. i was also quick and swift, when i saw or heard something i headed straight to your dad and told him that’s why he and everyone else calls me Breezy.
with me working with your dad and shit i started to distance myself from Aubrey because no one outside of who worked for your dad was suppose to know about what i was doing. then i met Mijo, Ty and Bow. we where all kind of in the same situation living on the streets. Mijo’s dad was an addict so that’s how he knew about me and Ty’s mom was a Prostitute and would take drugs or money and alot of the dealers would mess with her so that’s how he knew and Bow’s dad was a dealer but got shot in a exchange gone wrong and was being raised by his grandma who was really sick. so he knew. we always saw each other all the time and slowly became friends and then they asked Carter if they could work for him too they we’re all in fucked up situations and needed money. Carter said yeah, and together we all started being look outs and became boys. you still listening?” i asked Robyn as i looked at her.
"Yea i am." she was looking at me and the sun hit her face perfectly and her green eyes began to shine, i looked away before i got distracted.
"i was making enough money to support my mom and sis a little bit, i was bringing in about 2 to 3 hundred dollars a week, plus my mom got a job working at McDonald’s and that check plus what i was making was enough to get us a small two bedroom apartment, we slept on old mattress’s on the floor and bought furniture from the goodwill and we had a little bit more food then we did before. it wasn’t much but it was a roof over our heads. that’s how we lived for a while, when i was 14 my cousin Keeis
came to live with us because his parents died in a shoot out at this club in Virginia. He found out what i did and wanted in, he wanted to help out my mom any way he could, yo dad took some convincing but he agreed. Keeis started hanging with me and the other guys and we became a crew, brothers really. i’d kill for them niggaz and they’d do the same for me, hell we have already.” i looked at her again, now i was about to get to the hard part of the story, i just hope she could take it. i inhaled and exhaled deeply.
i did that until i was 15 then one night everything changed.
"Man nigga fuck you, you just mad because i got the pussy and you didn’t!"
Tyga yelled loudly as we walked down the street headed to my crib, we had just got done doing our look out thing and Ty was bragging about how he fucked this chick at school that claimed she didn’t get down like that and had this good girl image. “Man nigga please you ain’t hit that. ain’t no nigga in the schol been able to hit that shit!” Bow said
"Oh really then why did i have that bitch face down ass up on HER FUCKING bed scratching up the sheets and screaming my name. ‘oooo tyga, oh shit yeah daddy, beat that shit up, oooo yeah give me that big dick’ we all laughed as Ty started impersonating the girl with this high voice and moaning and shit. this nigga was a fool. as we where walking past an alley i heard a small whimper, i stopped and listened again. it sounded like someone was in pain. "Aye ya’ll ‘hold up, i hear something it sound like somebody hurt, i’ma go check it out" i start walking down the alley as i hear Ty’s loud ass "Man that’s how them dumbass niggaz be dying in dem horrors movie!" i shook my head at him as i continued walking and saw a body laying face down on the ground. it was a woman, i walked closer and bent down and slowly turned her face up and my heart dropped as soon as i saw her face, it was my mom.
"Mom? momma?" i started shaking her, her face was red on one side and she had a small bump on her head and her clothes where ripped she had on her McDonald’s uniform, she must have been walking home from work, and there was blood running down her leg. "Momma please wake up! MOMMA!" i yelled. she groaned again. "C-c-chris?" she said in barely a whisper. i held her in my arms as i moved her hair out of her face. "It’s me momma i’m here? What happened?" i asked as i rocked her as tears stung my eyes begging to be let loose. "I…i don’t know" she said her head went limp in my arms. "Momma! MOMMA!! AYE! AYE YA’LL COME HERE HELP ME!" I yelled. i bend down to her chest praying that i found a heartbeat. i did. i heard my boys run down the alley and they all gasped. "Aunt J?" Keeis said as he bent down next to me. i pushed him away as i put my mom in my arms and slowly picked her up. "Look around and see if you can find anything of her’s" i told them
they all started searching as i looked at my mother passed out in my arms, tears ran down my face, i can’t loose my momma. i can’t. “God please let her be ok, she’s my everything, a blessing, without her i don’t know what i’ll do, please lord, let her be ok.” i silently prayed. the guys found her wallet which was empty of all it’s contents, that nigga robbed her to, and her work hat and cell phone. “Come on we’re going to the hospital” i started walking with my boys following behind me
we walked for an hour to the hospital me carrying my mom the whole way, i wouldn’t let the other’s take her to help me out, she was my momma, no one was taking her from me. once inside the hospital nurse’s rushed to me asking a thousand questions that i didn’t answer, one came with a stretcher and tried to take her out my arms, i shook my head and laid her on the stretcher myself. they took her back past these double doors and i tried to follow but a nurse stopped me. “We need you to answer some questions please.” she told me. i answered all her questions and told her what happened, she told me they we’re going to examine my mom and told me to wait in the waiting room.
all my boys where there with me and sat in the waiting room with me while i paced i fucking hated hospitals, i hated the white walls, the smell, the sense of depression and death and the quietness. i asked keeis to go and check on Carmen because she was at home with a neighbor who watched her when momma was at work, it was 12 am i knew Carmen was probably worried and my phone had died. keeis hesitantly went but demanded that one of the guys keep him posted on the news, he was just as worried as i was, he looked at my mom as a 2nd mother she filled that hole that his mother left when she died.
about an hour later the doctor came over. “Mr.Brown?” me and the guys all walked over. “Thats me, and don’t worry these are my brothers” the doctor looked suspicious but didn’t push it, he nodded. “Well I’m sorry to have to say this but your mother has been raped. there are signs of a forced entry and there are traces of semen on you mothers thigh and inside of her vaginal canal, she is suffering from a mild concussion, possibly from being thrown on the ground or against the brick wall in the alley where you found her, her left eye is slightly swollen possibly from being slapped or punched and she has a busted Lip. Physically she will be fine and she will heal. but emotionally you might want to consider getting her therapy. and also since the man who committed this crime did not use protection, it is very possible that your mother could be pregnant now the po…” after he said that i tuned him out and ran out the hospital, once outside i began to cry tears of anger, i punched the wall outside the hospital twice. how could this happen? my mother was a good woman, she never did anything to deserve this. she was a sweet caring woman, why her? i punched the wall again hoping the pain in my knuckles could distract me from the pain i felt in my heart, i put my head against the wall as tears ran down my face.
i felt i strong arm go around my shoulder. “We got you man, it’s ok, mamma J will be ok man she’s strong, you’ll both get threw this.”
i heard Mijo say to me. “I’m going to kill him, i’m gonna find out who did it and kill him.” i said with no emotion in my voice. “Whatever you do bro you know we got yo back.” Bow said. Mijo and Ty nodded in agreement. i wiped my face with my shirt and walked back in the hospital and finished talking to the doctors, then i told The guys i’d be back hopefully before she wakes up and to stay there just in case anything changed with mom.
i pressed the buzzer to gate at the carter residence and told them who i was and was let inside. i rang the doorbell and was greeted by big black. “Where’s carter i need to speak to him.” i said ”in his office” black said. i walked in the house and headed towards his office i knocked and was told to come in, i walked inside seeing Carter looking down at a piece of paper. he looked up
"Breezy whats up, what can i do for you this late at night." i told him what happened. " Damn son i’m sorry. but she’ll be ok, momma J is tough. she gotta be to put up with you." i smiled a little bit. "Look Carter i didn’t just come here to tell you that i came here to ask you if you could put me on, let me move up to dealing. i need more money. if my mom is pregnant there is no way that the money im getting and her check are gonna be able to support herself and 3 kids. hell we’re barely getting buy as it is. plus the hospital bills are gonna be a bitch i need more money Carter. please i gotta take care of my family. i refuse to let my little brother or sister come into this world living like how we are now." i told him
"Do you know what you asking to do Chris. this drug game ain’t no joke. and i expect nothing but Loyalty from my workers. this Drug world is ruthless and in order to survive it, you gotta be just as ruthless. do you understand?" he said looking me dead in my eye. i nodded, i could be ruthless if meant providing for my family.
Carter sat back rubbing his chin and thought for a moment. then nodded. “You must promise to be loyal to me and yo fellow workers i gotta be able to trust you and the workers have to be able to trust and depend on each other. this game is a tricky life and niggaz will turn they back on you in a heartbeat for some money and a little bit of power, i need to know that i have nothing but loyal niggaz on my team, and if you break that loyalty, that trust. thats yo life. no if and or buts, if there is no trust or loyalty then that mean that niggaz will sell you out or get you killed. i like the life im living and the money im making and ain’t nobody about to take food out my kids mouths. you understand that chris?” he said so calmly that it was kinda scary. “Yes sir, i promise to remain loyal to you and my fellow workers, i understand that if i break this loyalty and this trust that that’s my life.”i looked in his eyes as i said it. he nodded his head held out his hand and i shook it. “Welcome to the team Breezy” he told me
"After that everything changed. i started dealing and working hard. eventually all my boys moved up with me. together we all moved up in the ranks until we got to the top, right under your father. like look at it as if we’re a wolf pack, your dad is the alpha and me and my boys are betas. we don’t really work the streets anymore we handle the important stuff like the exchanges, dealing with niggaz that betray us, and just making sure everybody else is in line and that money is being made and that it’s the right amount being made. my mom did turn out pregnant and she had my little brother. Carson.
he’s 6 now, his bad ass.” i smiled at the thought of my lil bro. ” I bought my mom a nice house and a car, her and my siblings don’t want for nothing, she’s even going back to school and working as a caterer. Carmen is 14 and about to start high school, everything is good. i take Carmen and Carson on some weekends to give mom a break and spend some time with them even though im always at my mommas house.” i looked at Robyn and she had tears in her eyes.
"O my god chris i am so sorry to hear that. but i’m glad mamma J is ok, but… did you ever find the guy who did it." i nodded my head. "It was the same guy that tried to get her to go in that alley that day in the park after you went back home. i been hearing on the streets that he was bragging about it and shit, i saw his ass walking down the street like he had no care or guilt or nothing , i has just turned 16 at the time. i walked up to him and confronted him. i told him that i knew what he did, he laughed in my face he said ‘fuck you, yo bitch sister, yo hoe ass mom and that bitchass kid of mine that she’s having, i don’t want shit to do with that little bastard. get the fuck out my way you weak ass nigga. hell yo momma was begging for this dick anyways, she enjoyed it, every last bit. ‘ after that i saw nothing but red. i punched him, hard. and he fell i got on top of him and just started beating his face in. then i picked him up by the collar of his shirt and slammed him back down with all my strength and his head lopped back and his the concrete hard. i heard a crack and his head started bleeding. his eyes got glassy and his body went limp. i knew i had killed him, a part of me wanted to, and the fucked up part is i wasn’t sorry about it. i told your dad and he got some cops he had on payroll to clear my name, they said he was jumped by a group of guys that robbed him.” i hesitantly looked at Robyn
she had an emotionless face and didn’t say anything for a while we just sat there in silence until i couldn’t take it anymore. “Say something Robyn.” she sighed, “Look chris i don’t agree with what your doing with my dad but i can understand why your doing it, and about the guy you killed im honestly not surprised, hell if you work for my dad im sure you’ve killed plenty of other people so that doesn’t really shock me, i just hope you know what your doing. i love my dad with all my heart but what he does is fucked up. it’s a deadly game and niggaz end up dead everyday from it, i just pray that you don’t get hurt, i’d hate to hear that you got shot or die or something.” her eye started watering up a little bit and my heart kinda warmed. she actually still cared about me after all these years my life still mattered to her. i walked and sat next to her and pulled her in a . “It’s ok Rob, i don’t plan on doing this forever, im taking classes at Miami University, getting my degree in sports administration.” i told her as her head rested on my shoulder
"really i’m going there too." i smiled at that, good i’ll be able to see her alot hopefully. "Baby Girl your bother just got home and went to his room, it’s time for dinner." I heard Carter yell from the sliding door. "Ok dad" she yelled back as she stood up. "Well i gotta go eat dinner ad surprise junior, i wonder if dad remembered to tell the girls to hide cause if not the surprise is fucked." she laughed. i chuckled a little. "Hey maybe we should exchange number’s so i can find you at school and stuff." i asked hoping that excuse worked, she nodded her head and handed me her phone and i handed her mines, we exchanged numbers and i gave her a goodbye hug before she walked back in the house. i decided to walk around to the front. once i got in my car i unlocked my hone and scrolled down and had the biggest smile on my face when i saw what name she put 'RihRih' i laughed out loud because i had put 'Reese's' in her phone. i pulled out the drive way with a kool-aid grin on my face. i still can’t believe she remembered those nicknames.